The invitation for men and women in the future of gender equality

“Men are so used to helping themselves that’s it’s like… they can’t help themselves…”

For a very long time now I’ve been trying to figure out why women, black women to be more specific, are angry human beings . I, like many others harbour a silent rage from my own personal experiences as well as those of my family, friends, colleagues and strangers; with this big bad world.

A lot of people ask and wonder why we are so angry and partly it’s because of how we are treated in this world; which is something we will never “get over” by the way. Being born in a world where you are seen and treated like property or an inanimate object purely based on your gender and your race is something to have a raging fury about; no- wait. It’s something to be pissed the fuck off about.

You go your merry way expecting to be treated like a human being; never mind an equal one and even on your best day the world has a huge piece of phlegm ready for your face.

In a recent Ted Talk I watched by Tracee Ellis Ross, she highlights that women have been trained to think that we are overreacting or that we are being too sensitive; or unreasonable. We try to make sense, of nonsense and we swallow the fury. We try to put it in some hidden place in our minds but it doesn’t go away.

It’s an exhausting reality and one which we must not tire speaking about, irrespective of the discomfort and ostracism. Someone’s got to do it and the sooner it clicks that we aren’t objects, we won’t tolerate it and we won’t keep quiet, the quicker it will end.

We are not overreacting and this is not “just the way it is”. The time is up on that. It is men’s responsibility to change men’s bad behavior. I repeat. It is men’s responsibility to change men’s bad behavior.

To find out the roles we aught to play in this future world, I urge you to watch the ted talk below.

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How to discover your purpose: 4 questions to ask as a guide

For so long I wandered…. wandered and wondered where exactly from the sky my purpose will fall. In 2017 I decided, I’m fucking picking something. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and if it does then great! I would have stopped wondering and starting working.

The minute I decided to focus my attention on myself as a brand and a product so much started making sense. The world is very much like a theme park, except without a theme, just rollercoaster everywhere and it’s very easy to find yourself being mesmerized by something because everyone else is staring or everyone else is queuing for the said experience. What I realized when I focused on myself was that my passions and strengths and somewhat of a purpose is already embedded within me and it shows itself very prominently everyday if I just decided to focus and think.

I’m not saying I’m an expert at discovering purpose but I definitely can say I’ve discovered a method of questioning myself that has made a lot of sense for the first time in a long time of searching and I want to share them with you (and it doesn’t involve what you loved doing as a child cause quite frankly when I was 3 I wanted to be a singer and a dancer and I cannot do either to save my life right now)!

If you have ever wondered or asked yourself what your purpose is/ what you should be doing with your life/ how you can spend your time on earth more meaningfully, ask yourself the following 4 questions that will reveal to you, your natural abilities and competitive advantage which you can then apply in a work or personal environment:

1. What do I like?

2. What do I spend my spare time doing? (watch out for this one and compare your answers with question 3, when I reflected on this question it became quite evident that although a specific thing came naturally to me, if I had all the money in the world, I wouldn’t do it- this thing for me was being a DIY hairdresser for myself and my family. I will not be opening a hair salon anytime soon thank you so much haha)

3. If money wasn’t a factor, what are the things I do for the rest of my life?

4. What do people naturally come to me for advice on?

Let me know how it goes and whether this method helped you as much as it’s helped me so far!

BOOK REVIEW: BARE (GET THIS BOOK NOW!)

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I hardly ever listen to the radio when I drive (long story) but as fate would have it yesterday afternoon, I was tuned into Metro FM along with a myriad of other fellow South African’s who were curious to hear about and understand Jackie Phamotse’s rendition of the underbelly of South Africa’s 1% and their very interesting lifestyle in her latest book titled “BARE”. I found myself being so engrossed by her story and strength to actually speak out and tell her story and the stories of the women around her who had been sucked into this elite yet damaging lifestyle and social circle.

As soon as the interview ended I was on the phone with Exclusive Books, doing everything I possibly could to source a copy of her book. Curiosity had gotten the better of me, so I bought it, then read it today and here are my thoughts, very briefly.

Firstly I must note that I think the way Jackie decided to structure the story worked well. It allows the reader to literally sink into the book. The book was written in chronological order and is based on a story about a girl named Treasure Mohapi. The story takes the reader through Treasure’s upbringing (which is sadly a very relatable story for any South African child) and the author highlights elements that build up to when she ends up in Johannesburg  as a blessee and ultimately leading to her spiritual demise.

As a character, one can see how the author has woven personal and borrowed experiences to deliver the message and I think because of this, it is a great storyline and lives up to the purpose. I do believe she will continue to make a killing off the book sales however I do believe that it was not personal enough. At some points it almost read like a story and yes, maybe the experience was too graphic to share directly, but I think it would have left readers gasping more had it been written in the form of a memoir because what she exposes us too is REAL. This is not a story, its a reality and if the aim is to drive awareness around this life and the repercussions, give it to the reader straight. It isn’t a fairytale and I think some parts/ events of the book could have been glamorized which is extremely dangerous as it is potentially misleading.

I must say though, in hindsight maybe reading BARE could have made me think  a bit differently about materialistic possessions, its somewhat of a “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” for the Johannesburg female yuppie. It makes one see how having a purpose and knowing your “why” is so important because the value of life can get quite meaningless when everything you can possibly desire becomes attainable to you.

So in closing:

Highlights: The Hockey Club story of course! (See the two pages I posted on my Insta stories last night)

Lowlights: The progression to the blessee storyline was too dragged out, if you want to save yourself time, read from when Treasure got to matric (which is inevitably in the middle of the book- I KNOW….ghaad)

Would I recommend this book: DEFINITO

If you have managed to get a copy of this book, please like the post and share your views! lets get this convo flowing peeps 🙂

Quote #2

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.

Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties, for peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being ahead of your time is that when people finally realize you were right, they’ll say it was obvious all along. You have two choices in your life; you can dissolve into the mainstream, or you can be distinct. To be distinct, you must be different. To be different, you must strive to be what no one else but you can be . . .

-Alan Ashley-Pitt